Smut campaigner “Massah” John Beyer, director of Mediawatch-UK, has published a book of poems which he hopes will help raise funds for his organisation. The slim volume, available only through the Mediawatch website and priced somewhat optimistically at £6.99, is the self-styled defender of decency’s first foray into the literary world:
Being a lover of the English language, above all Shakespeare, this book of poetry might help stall the tide of abuse of our beautiful tongue – and hopefully raise some funds to carry on the work of our late great founder, Mary Whitehouse.
Unfortunately, the Mediawatch-UK webpage gives us only one taste of the poetic delights contained within the book’s pages: a short piece, entitled “The Late Great Mary”.
Oh, Mary! Mary! You were great
Tis such a pity thou art late.
For now the work is down to me
To force the media to be
Decent.
The liberal elite rejoice
At the silence of thy voice.
Dear Mary – late, but ever great,
Would that I could emulate
Thy greatness.
Other titles include “It Seems to Me”, “Media Conspirator”, “My Belief is Staggered”, “Speechless”, and the title poem “Beautiful Tongue”.
MWW is sorely tempted to fork out the £6.99 to read more priceless gems from the Massah’s pen, but we hate to contribute to his coffers. If anyone is willing to send us scans of the originals, we’d be happy to publish them.
UPDATE: (2 April) None of the above is true.