Beyer publishes poetry book
Smut campaigner “Massah” John Beyer, director of Mediawatch-UK, has published a book of poems which he hopes will help raise funds for his organisation. The slim volume, available only through the Mediawatch website and priced somewhat optimistically at £6.99, is the self-styled defender of decency’s first foray into the literary world:
Being a lover of the English language, above all Shakespeare, this book of poetry might help stall the tide of abuse of our beautiful tongue – and hopefully raise some funds to carry on the work of our late great founder, Mary Whitehouse.
Unfortunately, the Mediawatch-UK webpage gives us only one taste of the poetic delights contained within the book’s pages: a short piece, entitled “The Late Great Mary”.
Oh, Mary! Mary! You were great
Tis such a pity thou art late.
For now the work is down to me
To force the media to be
Decent.The liberal elite rejoice
At the silence of thy voice.
Dear Mary – late, but ever great,
Would that I could emulate
Thy greatness.
Other titles include “It Seems to Me”, “Media Conspirator”, “My Belief is Staggered”, “Speechless”, and the title poem “Beautiful Tongue”.
MWW is sorely tempted to fork out the £6.99 to read more priceless gems from the Massah’s pen, but we hate to contribute to his coffers. If anyone is willing to send us scans of the originals, we’d be happy to publish them.
UPDATE: (2 April) None of the above is true.
Shakespeare??
romeo and juliet with it’s underage sex, gang warfare and teenage suicide.
Does that not qualify as smut and corrupting according to John Beyer or do I have to wait a few hundred years before I can watch my fave movies and play my fave violent computer games in peace??
I think the “liberal elite” should complain that this book is offensive to us, and it should therefore be banned.
“Beautiful Tongue” – fnarf fnarf.
I’ve fixed his last verse:
The liberal elite rejoice
At the silence of thy voice.
Dear Mary – late, but ever great,
Would that I could ejaculate.
Shit, this was an April Fool wasn’t it?
Monitor, to fool us all,
Did pen that spoof above; withal
I spied his foolery straightway.
Oh, Monitor, thou sought to play
Upon our very innocence,
Our willingness to make some sense
Of all thy ramblings in yon post
(Thine own prerogative as host
Of this most entertaining blog),
But glance did I upon the date
And sought at once to annotate
This blog with rhymed words of my own
And can’t now find a way (oh, moan!)
To stop this silly fucking rhyming
By finding a way to end the bloody thing, whether it rhymes, scans or not. How’s that for timing?
Oh,bugger, I didn’t find a line to give me a rhyme with blog. Thought something wasn’t right. Prosodic blunder, shouldn’t wonder (my world’s asunder) … Oh, stop it!
To force the media to be decent. Beyer really does have an over inflated sense of self importance if he believes he can force the media to do anything.
Oh Jesus! April fool! Ha ha! For a minute I took it seriously.
Dammit, they got me too! Very crafty, though I suppose the title of the book should have rang the warning bells.
Very droll, Monitor, so very droll! 😉
The lady archdeacon from Crew
Remarked as the bishop withdrew
The vicar is slicker
And thicker and quicker
And three inches longer than you
🙂
If I’m offended by the sheer repugnance (‘thou art late’ – shudder) can I campaign to have it banned? This man is torturing our mother tongue! Ban this sick filth!